Family Photo Shoot

We just had our family photo shoot today! Mark did such a great job!! I highly recommend him!!

http://markempasisphotography.myshowit.com/thurmonds2009/index.html

I apologize to any of you who follow the blog regularly and haven't seen updates! Things have been quite busy....between getting in the groove of having Finn around, finishing the my classes for the winter term, and getting ready to head to Medford for Christmas- there has been little time for blog updates!

As you might imagine, Christmas has been truly amazing. We could not imagine a better Christmas day than what we experienced yesterday. We arrived in Medford Wednesday morning, and Finn was quickly greeted by family members. Everyone simply adores him and he is loving getting the attention! He is just the sweetest little guy, and we are so extremely blessed to be his mom and dad. Today we did our first family pictures- I can't wait to post them! For now, here are a few we've taken over the past several days!

I can't believe Finn is a month old already! He's becoming more alert everyday! You wouldn't believe how strong our little guy is either! He's already holding his head up- I think we might try a little tummy time this week :)

Settling in...sort of

We just can't stop staring at our little Christmas miracle. If we're not staring at his face, we're looking back through our camera at pictures of him. We are absolutely in love with Finley. He's perfect.

Justin, Finn, and I spent our first few days in Seattle. Our first night together was definitely an adjustment. Justin and I were both up all night...hearing every sound that Finn made. Saturday morning, we thought it might be fun to go to the Space Needle. Due to the newness of everything, and our lack of sleep, I was not feeling confident enough to take on something like that. We decided we could just stroll around Pike Place....wrong. That seems to overwhelming as well. We settled for a walk to Whole Foods. We're so exciting ;) We have now moved on to things like an outing to the mall and restaurants. Baby steps!

We were fortunate enough to be invited to our friends' house, the O'Brien's, for dinner Saturday evening, as well as Justin's boss's house Sunday evening. It was nice to hang out in an actual house (opposed to a hotel), and have a home-cooked meal. We drove to Vancouver, WA Monday afternoon where we will stay until we are told we can finally go home to Portland. My mom and dad are on their way up this afternoon to spend some time with us. We can't wait for Finn to meet his first set of grandparents!

Every moment seems so surreal...we just can't believe how quickly our life has changed. It's so amazing. I can't stop saying it...."God is soooo good!!!"

Finley Matthew Thurmond has arrived!!!

Well, it has been a crazy journey to say the least, but we finally have our Finn. He is about 7.5 lbs, and 19" long. He was born healthy and eating very well :)

We left Portland this morning, and met with Tiana and her family a little after 1pm at Tiana's house in Yakima, WA.

It was a wonderful meeting. When we got there, Tiana's father was holding Finn and he said "Would you like to hold your son?". Wow!! Their family friend/pastor, who was also at the house, prayed over all of us, as did Tiana's father and Justin. We gave Tiana our gift, they gave us a few gifts, and we visited for a couple of hours. Around 3:30 we were leaving their house with our baby boy!!!

We will have to spend the next week in Washington state due to interstate adoption laws. We decided to head over to Seattle for the first few days to sort of make our time in the state a little vacation. We plan to head down to Vancouver, WA Monday to spend the rest of our time, as it is just 20 minutes away from Portland. As soon as we get the call from our caseworker that we can cross back into Oregon, we'll head home!

We feel so incredibly blessed. We cannot believe how amazing this day has been! We are so thankful to have such amazing and supportive family and friends. Thank you all! We love you!

Our God is so very good!

I cannot believe I am about to type this....we're going to pick up Finn tomorrow!!!!!

Our caseworker called about 20 minutes ago to let us know that Tiana has changed her mind again. We are going to Yakima first thing tomorrow morning to pick up our little guy! We will have to stay in Washington state for a few days, but we hope to come back to Portland sometime next week.

I don't have time to type much else...lots of re-packing to do! Oh my gracious!!!

It could have been us....plus a semi-update

Today I looked at our profile on Bethany's website- the "placement pending" stamp has been removed and we're now able to be shown again. While I was on the website, I noticed a new family had their pictured grayed out with the "PLACEMENT" stamp on it. This couple was the same couple that we sat next to at the seminar in Seattle last May. It sort of set in at that point that we could've been the ones with the successful placement. Why not? Why couldn't we have been selected by the birthmother that chose them? I'm not saying I wish in any way that this couple went through what we did, but why did it have to be us? I guess it all sort of hit me hard to see their placement stamp when we were once at the same place as them just a few months ago.

On a different note, my sister called this morning. She knows of a family that are the foster parents for an 8 week old baby. The baby has heart complications, and the family does not feel that they can be the adoptive parents. I asked Kate to find out the extent of the issues with the baby's heart. We're not so sure we can take on an extreme health condition either. We hope to hear more about the baby's condition and see where it goes from there. Because the baby is currently in the foster system, we would have to see what hoops we'd have to jump through with the state to even make this happen. So, we'll just have to wait and see what further information we can get about the baby from the foster parents. This lead may not turn into anything, but it's something to think about none the less.

More Closure

Yesterday, I walked into the nursery for the first time since we lost Finn. It was so overwhelming, that I just walked right back out. Today, I decided to try again. First thing I noticed- Justin so thoughtfully took Finn's name off of the wall. That made it easier to stay in there. I slowly began unpacking everything. I started out with the bottles and formula, as I figured those items were least likely to have any emotions attached to them. I surprisingly unpacked everything so far without a tear. I wasn't expecting that at all. There was one bag left to unpack- the baby clothes. I almost left the nursery, as I thought I probably wasn't ready for that part. Then, I decided I needed to just get this over with.

There were a few items that I just stared at....remembering the last time I touched them was when I envisioned bringing our baby home in them. As I quickly unpacked the rest of the suitcase, I realized the reason I hadn't cried today. I wasn't sad- I actually was angry at Tiana. For the past week, I kept saying I was not angry with her for the decision she made, but I am. I'm so angry. I know that if we weren't the ones with aching hearts right now, it would be her, but I'm still angry. We spent so much time preparing for our little baby, developed a love for him, and felt connected like we never thought we would to anyone that we've never met before. She took all of that away from us. So yes, I guess I am entitled to be angry. And you know what? If felt so good to let that feeling out.

Who knows, maybe I'll just be sad again tomorrow, but for today- I'm angry. And honestly, if feels like a small weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Maybe I'm relieved to feel something other than sadness today. I know that each day will get better (which is something I didn't beleive a week ago). I am so thankful that we have so much support to get through this. I am thankful for so many things, as my dear friend has been so kindly to remind me of each day this week.

Closure

We met with our caseworker this afternoon to talk about everything. She had just gotten off the phone with Tiana's pregnancy counselor when we arrived. Tiana's mom finally called the counselor back and explained everything. Tiana's mom said that her other children (late 20's, who have children of their own) all thought Tiana and her mom weren't thinking straight and didn't understand why Tiana didn't go through with the adoption. Once Tiana had expressed a change of mind, her mom sort of flopped as well and was totally on her side to keep the baby. It sounds like Tiana's mom will probably doing a lot of the care-taking, and there will be no going back on their decision to keep the baby.

We knew this was a possibility going into adoption, but we never thought it would actually happen to us. Our caseworker said that in the 2 years she's been with the agency, this is the first placement that has come this far and failed. It gives us hope that our baby will come to us through adoption. A huge part of me wanted to get off the list, because I do not feel we can go through this again. All in all, I know that we want to be a mom and dad, and we must keep that in mind.

We have chosen to go back on the wait listl again. If we feel that is not the right path later, we will find another way to expand our family.

So, here we are. Beginning the waiting period all over again (I can't believe I'm actually writing that...I thought our wait had ended with Baby Finn). Again, thank you all so much for being so supportive and keeping us in your prayers. We are so very blessed.

Meeting with our caseworker

Our caseworker was hoping to hear from Tiana's pregnancy counselor, Colleen, yesterday to get the final word. It turns out, Tiana's family is not returning Colleen's phone calls. Our agency is surprised by this, as Tiana's family always seemed so cooperative and supportive before Tiana changed her mind.

We will be meeting with our caseworker this afternoon. I assume she just wants to know how we're feeling, etc. We also hope Tiana's mom will have called Colleen back by the time we meet with our caseworker. It will be nice to at least have some closure on this. Still, I continue to pray there might be some small chance Tiana flops again and goes through with the adoption. Not likely, but we're still hoping.

Finn was born today...

We got the call from our caseworker about an hour ago- Finn was born around 3pm today. Tiana is almost certain that she will keep the baby at this point. We will know her final decision at 3pm on Sunday (the 48 hour mark). As you might assume, we are truly heart-broken right now. We are thankful to be in Medford with our families for support, but we are simply devastated. We so strongly felt we would be parents, and that this little baby was ours.

We know- the right baby will come at the right time. God's plan is perfect. It doesn't change the aching in our hearts right now.

Not sure what our next step will be. We'll keep you posted as usual.

It's going to be a tough next few days

This morning, as I was anxiously waiting to hear an update from our caseworker, I opened my bible for some comfort. I wasn't sure where to turn, so I decided to go to the book of Matthew because that will be Finn's middle name. Then, I just turned to Matthew 11:24, simply because today is 11/24. Upon reaching Matthew 11:28 I read

"Then Jesus said "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at your heart, and you will find rest for you soul. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."

Just as I was getting ready to call Justin to tell him how weird it was that I randomly opened to this scripture, our caseworker called. It's strange how the meaning of the Word, to one person, can change so quickly.

Tiana's doctor will induce her no sooner than Friday. She may have the baby sooner, but possibly not. We will have to wait and see. And, the worst part yet, she's struggling with her decision. She is not sure whether or not to place the baby for adoption now. Her parents are very supportive of the adoption and believe that is best for the baby, but will support Tiana's decision in the end. Her pregnancy counselor is reminding her again of the reasons she chose adoption in the first place. The fact is, Tiana's emotions are getting the best of her, and she is so young, she is having a hard time putting those emotions aside and thinking with her brain rather than her heart alone. I am not saying I would not struggle in her shoes, I would. I just pray that she relies on God, rather than making her decision on her own.

Part of me thinks "What if this was Tiana's plan all along? What if she went the adoption route just to get her parents off of her back for a while, knowing that in the end she would just change her mind?". I can't help but let these thoughts get the best of me.

We are definitely having a rough day, and not really sure what to do at this point, other than pray. I KNOW that if this baby is meant to come home to us, he will. I have faith in God's plan, but it doesn't make this any easier.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. Again, we are so blessed to have such amazing support. We love you all, and we hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Jesus Christ" - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

God Bless,
Justin & Megan

Hanging on the edge of our seats...

No baby yet, but what a day!!! It's been a roller coaster of emotions kind of day. From car problems to waiting to hear more about baby Finn's arrival- I don't think we could be anymore anxious than we are now!

We were originally told that Tiana was going to be induced if she didn't have the baby by Monday (today). I checked in with our agency over the weekend to find out if that meant she would be induced today or tomorrow. This morning, I received an answer. It appears we were misinformed :( Tiana had a doctor's appointment this morning, which is when the decision would be made to induce or have her wait it out. Yes, we were confused as well! So, we still have not heard the verdict at this point. We are not sure if she will be induced, or if the doctor will have her wait until her 12/1 due date.

I was going to wait to post an update until I heard back from our caseworker, but I had a lot of people wondering what's going on, so I thought I'd fill you all in.

We still have our hotel reserved in Yakima for tomorrow, as we aren't sure what the plan is! We hope to know more details in the morning.

Still waiting, but an update none the less!

About 5 minutes ago, our caseworker called. As you might imagine, my whole body got jittery when I saw her name pop up on my phone! No, no baby yet. But....Tiona has decided that she doesn't want to wait until 12/1 to deliver. She has decided that if she doesn't have the baby by next Monday, 12/23, she will be induced.

So, now we're certain that the baby will come no later than next week! We're hoping to be able to stay at the hospital, but we are booking a hotel just in case the hospital does not have room for us. If Tiona is induced next Tuesday instead of Monday, we will be stuck in the hospital 1-3 days longer than expected due to Thanksgiving (the courts may be closed, which will keep us from being able to leave the hospital with Finn). All in all, it will still be a wonderful Thanksgiving...stranded at the hospital or not ;)

Anxiously waiting

Well, it's Monday and still no news! We were originally told they expected Tiona might deliver about 2 weeks early....that would have been yesterday. I know, I know- her due date hasn't even arrived yet. I can't help but wish the baby would come early. I know that he will only grow stronger in her womb, but we are soooooo excited. Every time my phone rings, my heart starts beating fast... and then I realize it's not "the call".

Anyway, I thought I'd give an update since I've had a few people call, email, etc. asking if there's any update. No...no update yet. Hopefully soon though!

"But these things I plan won't happen right away.Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3 (NLT)

Birth Plan

We just heard from our caseworker that Tiona has developed the birth plan with her pregnancy counselor from Bethany. When Tiona goes into labor, we will be informed. Tiona and her family would like to have the first 24 hours after the birth with the baby. Then, we will be able to finally meet him, and spend time with Tiona and her family as well. We plan to head up to Yakima once we get the call anyway, just in case Tiona decides that we are allowed to see her and Finn earlier than 24 hours.

After the first 48 hours has passed, our lawyer (hired through Bethany) will go to the court on the first working day to submit the documents (so if the 48 hours ends on a Sunday, the lawyer can't go to the court until Monday). Once the judge signs the documents that day, the lawyer will fax them back to hospital and we can leave the hospital with Finn! As many people are wondering- yes, Tiona can change her mind during those first 48 hours, and that's a fear in the back of our minds. We continue to have faith in God's plan....whatever that may entail. We feel so good about everything, but we need to remember that is always a possibility (as with any adoption).

As soon as we get the call that Tiona is in labor (any day....or maybe longer :) ), we will be sure to update the blog!

Thank you all again so much for your prayers, thoughts, and support. We honestly could not be getting through everything without each one of you! We are so blessed :)

Ultrasound Appointment

Justin and I just got home after a long day. We drove up to Yakima (a little over 3 hours), met Tiona, her sister and mom, and the pregnancy counselor from Bethany for lunch. We visited for a little bit, and then headed over to the ultrasound appointment. Wow! It was soooo amazing! We got to see little Finn's face (he has the cutest pouty lips just like Tiona!!!), and the technician pointed out his hands, feet, etc., and of course, we got to hear his heartbeat. He currently wieghs 6.8 pounds (give or take a little bit), and is very healthy. It was so surreal. We've been praying, preparing, and planning for this little baby that we had no tangible connection to. It was so great to actually see him moving in her belly- that's our baby boy!!! I know deep down she can change her mind for now, but so much of me feels that we will be bringing Finley home in the next few weeks.

Tiona also met with her doctor after the ultrasound. She is dilated 2 cm....that means the baby could possibly come very soon. Or, if she's like my sister, she could stay dilated at 2 cm for a couple of weeks!! We have our bags packed (okay, the items are laid out, but haven't been actually put INTO the bags yet!), our checklists ready, and can't wait to get the call and head back to Yakima!!

The pregnancy counselor was meeting with Tiona to go over a lot of the legal work, birth plan, and so on this afternoon. We hope to hear more details about how involved we will be at the birth. As much as I would love to be in the delivery room, I want to respect Tiona more. Whatever she wants from us, whether it be having us there or giving her space, we want to give to her. You will never know how truly awkward the situation is until you are in this position. It is constantly difficult to know what to say, do...not say, or not do... I want her to see we're excited, but I also want her to know that we will respect her decisions regardless of the outcome.

And so, we continue to pray, prepare, and plan...just waiting for our little guy to arrive. We are SO excited and truly feel that everything will continue on this path, but we know that God is in control and it is His plan that will unfold, not ours :)

It just keeps getting better!!

Tiona has just asked if Justin and I would like to come to her ultrasound appointment on November 9th @ 12:30 in Yakima!!! I can't believe it! I sort of accepted the fact that I would probably never get to see the ultrasound of any of our children, and Tiona has given us that opportunity!! We are soooo thrilled! I will definitely be heading up there for the appointment, and Justin will most likely go as well, as long as he can get the day off of work.

In addition to that, Tiona asked what we plan to name the baby so that she can start calling him by his name! I don't believe I have ever met a 15-year-old so selfless, brave, kind, sweet, and the list goes on... I would like to say that I would have handled this situation in the same way when I was a teenager, but I honestly don't think I would have. She is such an amazing young woman.

We can't stop smiling!!! :)

3 AM feedings- here we come!!!

Today's meeting with Tiona (pronounced Tee-yonna, not like Fiona :) ) was so great! We met Tiona, her parents, her counselor, and our caseworker at Applebee's in Yakima, WA at 12:30. We were sooooo incredibly nervous. I didn't even feel like it was real....on the wayt to lunch, I felt like I was in a dream or something.

Anyway, we got to know Tiona's interests a little more and hear about her and her family. She's a very sweet girl, and my heart goes out to her in this extremely hard decision she is making. She is so very brave. She is currently being home-schooled, is very involved in a Youth Group, and she is so down to earth. She told us that the baby is very active, although she has been a little sick lately :(

After lunch, we stuck around and chatted with Tiona's pregnancy counselor and our caseworker. We were told that Tiona picked us as soon as she saw our family profile book! We had no idea that she had picked us before our lunch meeting! It felt so good to hear the words :) Tiona will meet with her counselor each week until the baby is born. The counselor will be sure to let us know how she is feeling each week. Also, because Tiona is so young, her chances of delivering the baby early are quite high. She is due December 1st, but they expect she may deliver as early as two weeks before 12/1! We are SHOCKED at how quickly this has gone! Most people wait about 9-12 months once they are on the wait list and here we are....about to be parents just 3 months after being on the list!! We are ecstatic!! Praise God!

So, between now and mid-November/early-December, we will be getting all of the last minute baby boy items together and waiting!! Please continue to pray for Tiona and the baby. I can't imagine how hard this must be for Tiona, and I just pray that she feels peace during these next few weeks.

Please feel free to ask any questions you might have in the mean time. We are very open and want everyone to all questions, as we know this is a new experience for so many of us!!

We get to meet Tiona on...

Wednesday, October 21st! I just talked to our caseworker (who was very busy this weekend with 2 births within the agency!), and we will be meeting Tiona in Yakima, WA on 10/21 at 12:30. Our meeting place is yet to be determined, but we are beyond excited!!!!!

I am told that during the meeting, Tiona will be asking most of the questions, and we will be doing most of the talking. We're supposed to pretty much act like she's not pregnant and we're just getting to know one another. She can move the conversation to the adoption, but we are to steer clear of baby talk in the beginning. We are so anxious to meet her- this next week or so is going to be tough! Patience!!! We will be sure to keep you all posted as usual!

We really appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers! But again, please pray for us, Tiona, and the baby!

Newest Lead!!!

We have our newest lead, and our first lead from our adoption agency!! Last night, our caseworker called to let us know that there is a young girl who would like to meet Justin and I!! WOW!! Okay, so here are the details:

Her name is Tiona (sounds like Fiona from Shrek, but with a T) and she is 15 years old. She is due on December 1st and is pregnant with a baby boy! She is from Eastern Washington, and was actually adopted herself. Tiona has been getting great prenatal care, so her and the baby are both healthy. Susan (our caseworker) informed us that she would like to meet us the week of 10/19. We don't have a date set yet, as Susan will now work with the pregnancy counselor to set up a date for our meeting! Ohhh...what do I wear!?!

Some of you might be wondering how she picked us, who else will she be meeting, etc... Typically, when a BM is considering adoption, the agency will give her a handful of family profile books (like the one we created on picaboo.com and had printed). She then takes her time to go through the books and decides if she wants to meet with any of the families that were presented to her. If she doesn't want to meet any of the families, she can go on looking through more books until she finds a family that she is interested in. It's crazy to think that Tiona has been looking over our book for some time now!

And yes, we will be the only family she meets with. If she does not pick us as the adoptive parents after our meeting, then she will go back to square one- looking at books again.

If she DOES pick us, then she will create a birth plan in which she decides how involved we will be in the delivery of the baby. It's all very very very exciting!!!

Please pray for Tiona and the baby- that they stay healthy. Please pray for Tiona's peace of mind and that God leads her in the decision that is best for her and the baby (whether it is to place the baby for adoption, or keep the baby).

I will update you all as soon as we learn more!

Patiently & Joyfully Waiting

Anyone who knows anything about me, knows that I have always struggled with patience. If I want something done, I find a way to do it now. I have to be busy working toward that something, if I haven't already found a way to get it done.

Up until recently, we were working so hard on all of the paperwork and jumping through hoops....now we wait. I keep going back and forth thinking things like "the wait is fine, because it will give us more time to save money... the wait is fine, because it gives Justin and I more time to spend with just the two of us before our lives are turned upside-down...." and so on. Days like today, when I walk into our nursery and go through our baby clothes, make me wish the baby was here yesterday! I know that God's timing is perfect, and nothing can change that. The unknown is so exciting, but for someone like me, the patience required in waiting is hard. Justin and I are both working full time and going to school, yet I still find time to anxiously wonder when our baby will come, if it will be a boy or girl, what he/she will look like...

This week has also been big for me in finding joy in life again. I was stuck in this silly rut where I kept feeling inadequate for various minor reasons. I cannot change the cards that were dealt to me; all we can do is make the best of everything. Last Sunday, our Pastor delivered a great message on "JOY". Wow- it really spoke to me. He gave us a great definition of joy: "JOY is a gift from God, given to those who believe in Jesus, being produced in me by the Holy Spirit, as I receive and obey His word, being mixed with trials, as I set my hope on future glory." Does that not speak to you, or what? One "joy robber" he mentioned was lack of surrendering. Yes, that's the one I battle with!

I needed that message to wake me up, and realize all of the amazing things in my life that I am joyous about. I have an amazing husband that I can't imagine life without, wonderful & supportive friends & family, a job, a roof over my head, and the list goes on. How foolish of me to think I am missing out on anything in life. I am fortunate. And so, I am proud to say that I am a believer and I set my hope on future glory!

And so, we wait :)

And...we're live!

As promised, here's the link to our family profile on Bethany's website (you may have to copy and paste the link):

http://www.bethany.org/A55798/bethanyWWW.nsf/0/3C010687A3B9A6F58525761F00490EAC

We are so excited to be on the wait list and on Bethany's website!

Please remember that we are still open to a private adoption. If you know anyone considering adoption, we advise you to direct them to an adoption attorney. An attorney can act as a liason between the birthfamily and a possible adoptive family (hopefully us!).

We're on the list!!!

We are officially on the wait list with Bethany Christian Services!! I just got an email this afternoon from our caseworker letting us know that we were approved on 8/12, and we can now be shown to birth families. Our profile will be loaded onto the Bethany website in the next week or so as well. I'll add the link to our blog when we go live!

We are soooooo incredibly ecstatic and thankful to have this part completed! Now we will fill our time with applying for grants, decorating the nursery, reading baby books, and WAITING!! The fact that we could be parents at any moment is mind-boggling, but we are so excited! The average wait time is 12 months, but as we've told you all before, there are instances where people are on the wait list only a few weeks when they are picked by a birthmother. We will be sure to keep you all updated via the blog of any leads that come along.

This is such a great way to start our weekend! We're headed out of town with some friends, but when we get back, you better believe we are going out to dinner to celebrate the many months of preparation and this new step in the process! Praise God!!

Update and some Honesty

Well, it looks like we won't be hearing much more about Baby Cameron. The state of California is involved, and the baby, along with his siblings, will most likely being going into the system- foster care, then adoption(hopefullly). I wish this had gone differently, but it is just not the case. The important thing is the kids are happy and healthy right now. I will continue to pray that they will end up in fun and safe homes in the future. It is truly a very sad situation, but I still have faith that there will be a happy ending for these children.

This lead, along with other frustrations, has also taken a toll on Justin and I. It is probably hard for many of you to understand the emotional draining that struggling with infertility and adoption can have on a couple, but it is truly exhausting. The past week has been less than ideal. We are extremely frustrated with our caseworker, as we are still not on the wait list, and she has been near impossible to get in touch with. We are being persistent as possible, and we hope our persistence will pay off and we will be officially on the wait list next week.

I know that God has the right baby for us. I know He has a plan. I know I must keep faith and stay positive. The fact is, there are just some days where it is too hard to stay positive. I am so thankful for wonderful friends and family that can keep our spirits up during these hard and frustrating times, but it doesn't take away the feelings that we have. I will always be elated when I hear of a friend or family member who is expecting (whether through natural conception, fertility treatments, or adoption). I never want anyone to think they need to shield information from us. Please just recognize that as exciting as this time is for us, it's also a very hard struggle that has so many ups and downs. Please be patient with us.

This week, please pray that we will have refreshed energy and enthusiasm. Please pray that we hear good news from our agency asap. Please pray that Justin and I will lean on one another to get through this hurdle this time.

Update on Baby Cameron

Here's the latest:

The baby boy (Cameron) was released from the hospital last week, and is settling in with my friend's sister and the other siblings. Baby Cameron's caretaker does not have all of the power at this point. The baby's grandfather and CPS are now involved, so we're not sure what will happen from here. Although my friend's sister does not feel that she can handle so many children (she has 6 of her own with one on the way...plus baby Cameron and his 3 siblings), she cannot make the decision to place Cameron for adoption. We are not sure where things will go from here. Now that the state (CA) is involved, this could take months, maybe longer.

We are so happy that everyone is safe, and I pray that this will all unfold into good things for all of the children. I know this is not much of an update, but it's better than nothing! I will be sure to update the blog as we learn more information!

A new lead...Baby Cameron

Late last night, Justin and I got a phone call from a friend that turned out to be a possible adoption opportunity. It is a very sad, sad story, but will hopefully have a happy ending. My friend's sister's very dear friend went into labor like a normal pregnant woman might. Along the way, there were some pregnancy complications. The woman delivered a baby boy, but sadly lost her own life shortly after. I cannot begin to imagine the sorrow and devastation my friend's sister and the rest of this woman's family are facing. My heart goes out to them, and Justin & I are praying for them all (I hope you will too). What my friend called to say was that there might be a slight possibility the baby could be adopted. The woman who passed away left my friend's sister as the guardian of the baby; however, she also has children of her own.

Justin and I told our friend that we would love to have our name brought up, but we are totally understanding if adoption is not the route chosen for this baby boy. This is such a sad story, but we pray for a happy ending.

I ask any of you who check our blog to please pray for this little baby boy and his siblings. Please pray that they will be taken care of, and that this woman's family will find a way to get through this very sad time. We know that whatever God has planned for this baby will happen as it is supposed to.

We are praying that we may have an adoption opportunity, but most importantly we are praying for the baby boy and everyone involved. Please pray to heal their hearts.

Baby Shower

Last weekend, 7/11, my friends in Portland threw me a baby shower! It was amazing!!! Britney & Emily hosted it at Britney's house, and there were about 12 guests total. Britney and Em did an amazing job of decorating, games, and yummy brunch food. It was so much more than I could ask for!

Instead of giving cards with the gifts, the guests brought baby books and signed the inside...we now have the perfect little baby library :) The guests also brought diapers for a diaper raffle, so we feel very supplied in that area as well! I cannot begin to tell you how very generous everyone was!! We know have our bouncy chair,clothes, bath tub, bath essentials & toys, bottles, playmat, baby carrier, and the list goes on. Our nursery looks like it's ready for a baby!!

We all of course played games. The best one was a bottle sucking contest (we each had a baby bottle and tried to suck out all of the juice as fast as we could!). It was hilarious!!! Such a fun day!

We are truly blessed to have such amazing friends in our life! Britney and Em were so gracious to do this, and we are forever thankful :) As soon as I get pictures, I will be sure to post them.

Almost on the list!!

Well, our interviews and homestudy visit are DONE!!!! Although, we did not make it through the homestudy visit without a little bit of drama first! Let me create the setting for you :)

We had spent days cleaning our house, organizing every closet, cupboard, etc. to get ready for our caseworker to do our homestudy last Thursday (6/25). Everything was tidy as can be. Thursday morning, I awoke to a stench. I asked Justin if Frankie (our shitzu) was tooting again....he'd been gassy lately. Justin said, "No, he had an accident in our room last night!". This was very strange- Frankie just doesn't do that anymore!! We went on with our day- Justin off to work, and I was home cleaning some more. Later that day, I went to pick Justin up from work in time for our homestudy visit. As we're scrambling to get the iced tea made, scones on a plate, etc., I walk by the nursery to see that our little shitzu had pooped AGAIN!!! I was furious!! How could he do this to us just 20 minutes before our caseworker arrived?? Ugh! As you can imagine, the next 20 minutes were chaos, as I wasn't even dressed yet! I've heard dogs can feel your stress in certain situations...now I just feel bad for stressing Justin AND Frankie out!

Our caseworker arrived a few minutes early, not a good start for me. As I was rambling about coffee, tea, water, and scones, she calmly said "Let's sit down and go over some of my questions." A few minutes later, I was just as calm as she was :) The rest of the interview and visit followed accordingly....very easy and relaxed. I was so stressed out for this horrifying 3 hour visit, and it all ended in just over an hour after easy talk and a very non-nosey tour of our condo. Easy as that...it was just over! Justin and I collapsed onto our couches and said "I think we deserve happy hour!" Hahaha!

So, now what? About a month of waiting for our caseworker to write up our homestudy and get it approved, and then we will officially be on the wait list! After that, only God knows how much time it will be until our arms and nursery are no longer empty!!

Ready...set...interview!

Well, looks like we’re getting one step closer! I met with our caseworker today to show her the family profile book we created on picaboo.com. She looked it over and gave us two thumbs up (and many of you know how much I love a thumbs up!)! During our meeting we also set up our interviews. Next week, Justin and I will have individual interviews with our caseworker (Susan). We’re not 100% sure what the interviews will consist of, but each interview will be 2 hours long….looking for cracks in our life possibly??? She’ll find plenty, but hopefully we’ll still be deemed as future adequate parents.

The week after next, we will be having our homestudy visit (on Thursday 6/18). Susan will come to our home for 3 hours to learn even more about us…I guess the pages upon pages of information we’ve already submitted haven’t shed some light ;) I’m kidding of course- we’re happy to do whatever we can to grow our family! During the visit, we’ll show her around our house, verify that our shitzu is not an attack dog and has his shots, show her the nursery, talk to her more, etc. Please pray for us during these interviews and visits! They will be very nerve-racking! Aside from the anxiety of unfolding our life even more, we are mostly just so excited! After the homestudy is done, it will take about 3-4 weeks to be approved. At that point, we’ll turn in our family profile book and our profile will be posted on Bethany’s website for birthmothers (BMs) to view. This profile will consist of a letter to potential BMs a couple of pictures and a video we put together. Below is our video (until we get it uploaded on the Bethany website next month). Feel free to pass this video on ;) If you do pass the video on, rather than passing on our actual blog, please right click on the video, and click on "Watch on YouTube". From there you can copy and paste the YouTube link and share it with whomever you like!

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That’s the extent of our updates for now. Oh, except that Justin and I will be celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary next week! I can’t believe it’s been that long! Anyway, we’re just moving right along and getting more hopeful that our little family will start to grow soon! Again, we appreciate all of your support and prayers more than you know. We are so very blessed to have such amazing family and friends. Love you all!

Baby's Room

We just couldn't wait to show you all how the baby's room is coming along! It's still pretty sparse, but we're excited none the less :) We are slowly getting the essentials (crib, car seat, etc.), but will continually add more over time!

Seattle Seminiar

This past Saturday, Justin and I drove up to Seattle for the day to attend a small seminar that Bethany (our agency) puts on for families working on adopting. There were about 12 other families from the Northwest there with us. The day was filled with legal talk, presentations from birth mothers, as well as families who had recently adopted.

It was so great to be able to hear so many different adoption stories, and it opened our eyes a bit to how different every situation is. The stories of the 2 birth mothers (who both chose to place their babies about 4 years ago) was incredible. We were able to hear first hand how a woman makes the decision to place her baby with an adoptive family. It was very emotional, and my heart ached for the pain that hit them so hard the day they handed over their babies to adoptive families. I cannot imagine doing that, but I am so grateful that there are women courageous enough to put their feelings aside and do an act as selfless as placing their child up for adoption.

We also heard from 3 families who had a baby placed in their families within the last 6 months or so. This part got us so very excited!!! It was amazing to see each little baby with each family! Again, all of their stories were unique to their family. The little ones were precious of course, and made us realize, that could be us in no time (okay, maybe some time, but eventually). I knew I wasn't the only one in the room envisioning a new baby in our home...I began to feel a little sense of competition! I thought "we better get going on our home study and paperwork so we can get on the wait list before these other families!". I felt a little silly after sizing up my competition....after all, God already has the perfect baby selected for each family. His timing will be perfect, regardless of when we get on the wait list in comparison to other families.

Overall, it was a great day-trip, and so refreshing to be in the company of so many other families who are in our shoes. We are so thankful to have family and friends who are so supportive and just as excited as we are for this blessing God has in store!

How we decided on adoption...

Justin and I never imagined adoption would be the route we would use to grow our family. This past Fall, I went to the doctor for a regular appointment. I mentioned to her that we were thinking about trying to get pregnant in the Spring, and I wanted to be sure I was healthy and there would be no surprises (I knew some health issues from my past might be an obstacle in conceiving, but I wasn't sure). After reviewing medical history, running tests, various doctors appointments, etc., we were then told we have less than a 1 % chance of conceiving on our own, and our only option was to undergo intense fertility treatments that add up VERY quickly. We were faced with a decision- what next?

This was very hard for both of us to deal with. We couldn't afford to spend so much money on treatments that we weren't sure would work. We were lost. A couple of months later, I met a wonderful friend, Britney, on New Year's day of 2009, who opened our eyes to a whole new way of starting a family. We never really considered adoption, although it had been something in the back of our minds. Britney and her family helped us to understand what a blessing adoption can be and how absolutely amazing it is. Her family's adoption story is truly inspirational and encouraging- she has been an amazing blessing to Justin & I. After hearing all about adoption first hand, we decided to look into it a bit more.

We went to our first meeting with Bethany Christian Services (http://www.bethany.org/ ) mid- January and have been so excited ever since then! We realized that this was the best way to grow our family. Yes, it would be amazing to be pregnant and have a biological child, but we feel this is the path God is directing us down. While adoption with an agency is very costly, it is also something we know will have an amazing ending- a baby!!! We felt that with fertility treatments, there was the possibility of never conceiving and if we did, who knows if we would carry to full term. Choosing adoption assures us that the money and time we spend will be worth it. There may be ups and downs along the way, but in the end, we will be parents!!!

While we are using an adoption agency, we are still open to a private adoption. Please keep our family in mind and pass it on to anyone you feel appropriate. We are very open in how we will adopt and if you know of anyone who is thinking about adoption, we would love to be considered as adoptive parents. If you would like to view our family profile or share it with someone else (the same profile/book that the agency will show birthmothers) please let us know and we will get you access to view our book on picaboo.com. We ask that you show any potential birthmothers our profile book only, and not our blog (mostly for privacy reasons). This blog is intended to update family and close friends only.

Etiquette

People often ask what is the right way to encourage an infertile couple, correct way to address situations, etc. Because the adoption process is new to almost all of us, the "appropriate" thing to say can sometimes leave us all at a loss for words. Here's some helpful hints :)

What not to say to an infertile couple:

- Relax, go on vacation, it’ll happen. Not only is this statistically untrue, it makes the couple feel as if they’re doing something wrong. Besides, if this were true, we’d have 8 kids by now. Those who say this would never say to a cancer patient, “Relax, it’ll go away”.

- My friend tried… Success stories may seem encouraging, but it’s important to remember that no two situations are the same

- If you adopt, you’ll get pregnant. Statistics show that infertile couples who adopt are no more likely to get pregnant than infertile couples who do not. It also makes adoption sound like a lesser choice. Adoptive parents – or those wishing to adopt – know that it is NOT second best and can be a bigger blessing that having biological children.

- You can have one of my kids, please, please take one! Don’t test me – I might just take you up on that.

- You’re still young. Infertility does not get less severe with age, it gets worse. So yes, I’m young… and with each passing month, my chances of conceiving get less and less.

Encouraging words that DO help:

- It must be difficult to go through this; I'm here to listen if you need to talk.

- Can I get you some tissues?

- How are you?

- We are praying for you/can we pray for you?

The Adoption Process

We knew almost nothing about the adoption process when we got started, so I thought it would be nice to try to answer common questions you might have. Here is an explanation of the adoption process (as best as we know it!).

-Application Process: There are a few applications that we fill out before we begin our homestudy. This includes background information about us, references from our employers, friends, and our pastor.

-Homestudy Process: This involves a stack of paperwork ranging from information about our extended family, our home, self-evaluations, interviews with the adoption case worker and more! The caseworker will also visit our home before the adoption and after a baby has been placed in our home.

-Waiting List: Once we finish the applications and the homestudy, we will be placed on a waiting list. This can take anywhere from a few weeks to more than a year. The agency will match our profile with birthmothers/families. The birthmother/family will then view our family profile book, at which time she may want to meet us in person. The agency typically tries to avoid showing families to the birthmother any earlier than 3 months prior to her due date to avoid having the birthmother change her mind (decide to keep her baby). After an in person meeting, the birthmother/family can decide to select us, or continue her search. Very rarely, there will be no meeting at all. The agency does get calls from hospitals, from time to time, asking them to find a family for a baby at the last minute....in which case we could become parents in just a day(s) notice!

-Placement: We will hopefully be able to meet our new little one at the hospital and bring them home shortly after. We will then have meetings with the caseworker and possibly a face to face meeting with the birthmother/family in the months to follow. The openness of the adoption is mostly decided on what the birthmother wants.