Closure

We met with our caseworker this afternoon to talk about everything. She had just gotten off the phone with Tiana's pregnancy counselor when we arrived. Tiana's mom finally called the counselor back and explained everything. Tiana's mom said that her other children (late 20's, who have children of their own) all thought Tiana and her mom weren't thinking straight and didn't understand why Tiana didn't go through with the adoption. Once Tiana had expressed a change of mind, her mom sort of flopped as well and was totally on her side to keep the baby. It sounds like Tiana's mom will probably doing a lot of the care-taking, and there will be no going back on their decision to keep the baby.

We knew this was a possibility going into adoption, but we never thought it would actually happen to us. Our caseworker said that in the 2 years she's been with the agency, this is the first placement that has come this far and failed. It gives us hope that our baby will come to us through adoption. A huge part of me wanted to get off the list, because I do not feel we can go through this again. All in all, I know that we want to be a mom and dad, and we must keep that in mind.

We have chosen to go back on the wait listl again. If we feel that is not the right path later, we will find another way to expand our family.

So, here we are. Beginning the waiting period all over again (I can't believe I'm actually writing that...I thought our wait had ended with Baby Finn). Again, thank you all so much for being so supportive and keeping us in your prayers. We are so very blessed.

Meeting with our caseworker

Our caseworker was hoping to hear from Tiana's pregnancy counselor, Colleen, yesterday to get the final word. It turns out, Tiana's family is not returning Colleen's phone calls. Our agency is surprised by this, as Tiana's family always seemed so cooperative and supportive before Tiana changed her mind.

We will be meeting with our caseworker this afternoon. I assume she just wants to know how we're feeling, etc. We also hope Tiana's mom will have called Colleen back by the time we meet with our caseworker. It will be nice to at least have some closure on this. Still, I continue to pray there might be some small chance Tiana flops again and goes through with the adoption. Not likely, but we're still hoping.

Finn was born today...

We got the call from our caseworker about an hour ago- Finn was born around 3pm today. Tiana is almost certain that she will keep the baby at this point. We will know her final decision at 3pm on Sunday (the 48 hour mark). As you might assume, we are truly heart-broken right now. We are thankful to be in Medford with our families for support, but we are simply devastated. We so strongly felt we would be parents, and that this little baby was ours.

We know- the right baby will come at the right time. God's plan is perfect. It doesn't change the aching in our hearts right now.

Not sure what our next step will be. We'll keep you posted as usual.

It's going to be a tough next few days

This morning, as I was anxiously waiting to hear an update from our caseworker, I opened my bible for some comfort. I wasn't sure where to turn, so I decided to go to the book of Matthew because that will be Finn's middle name. Then, I just turned to Matthew 11:24, simply because today is 11/24. Upon reaching Matthew 11:28 I read

"Then Jesus said "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at your heart, and you will find rest for you soul. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."

Just as I was getting ready to call Justin to tell him how weird it was that I randomly opened to this scripture, our caseworker called. It's strange how the meaning of the Word, to one person, can change so quickly.

Tiana's doctor will induce her no sooner than Friday. She may have the baby sooner, but possibly not. We will have to wait and see. And, the worst part yet, she's struggling with her decision. She is not sure whether or not to place the baby for adoption now. Her parents are very supportive of the adoption and believe that is best for the baby, but will support Tiana's decision in the end. Her pregnancy counselor is reminding her again of the reasons she chose adoption in the first place. The fact is, Tiana's emotions are getting the best of her, and she is so young, she is having a hard time putting those emotions aside and thinking with her brain rather than her heart alone. I am not saying I would not struggle in her shoes, I would. I just pray that she relies on God, rather than making her decision on her own.

Part of me thinks "What if this was Tiana's plan all along? What if she went the adoption route just to get her parents off of her back for a while, knowing that in the end she would just change her mind?". I can't help but let these thoughts get the best of me.

We are definitely having a rough day, and not really sure what to do at this point, other than pray. I KNOW that if this baby is meant to come home to us, he will. I have faith in God's plan, but it doesn't make this any easier.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. Again, we are so blessed to have such amazing support. We love you all, and we hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Jesus Christ" - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

God Bless,
Justin & Megan

Hanging on the edge of our seats...

No baby yet, but what a day!!! It's been a roller coaster of emotions kind of day. From car problems to waiting to hear more about baby Finn's arrival- I don't think we could be anymore anxious than we are now!

We were originally told that Tiana was going to be induced if she didn't have the baby by Monday (today). I checked in with our agency over the weekend to find out if that meant she would be induced today or tomorrow. This morning, I received an answer. It appears we were misinformed :( Tiana had a doctor's appointment this morning, which is when the decision would be made to induce or have her wait it out. Yes, we were confused as well! So, we still have not heard the verdict at this point. We are not sure if she will be induced, or if the doctor will have her wait until her 12/1 due date.

I was going to wait to post an update until I heard back from our caseworker, but I had a lot of people wondering what's going on, so I thought I'd fill you all in.

We still have our hotel reserved in Yakima for tomorrow, as we aren't sure what the plan is! We hope to know more details in the morning.

Still waiting, but an update none the less!

About 5 minutes ago, our caseworker called. As you might imagine, my whole body got jittery when I saw her name pop up on my phone! No, no baby yet. But....Tiona has decided that she doesn't want to wait until 12/1 to deliver. She has decided that if she doesn't have the baby by next Monday, 12/23, she will be induced.

So, now we're certain that the baby will come no later than next week! We're hoping to be able to stay at the hospital, but we are booking a hotel just in case the hospital does not have room for us. If Tiona is induced next Tuesday instead of Monday, we will be stuck in the hospital 1-3 days longer than expected due to Thanksgiving (the courts may be closed, which will keep us from being able to leave the hospital with Finn). All in all, it will still be a wonderful Thanksgiving...stranded at the hospital or not ;)

Anxiously waiting

Well, it's Monday and still no news! We were originally told they expected Tiona might deliver about 2 weeks early....that would have been yesterday. I know, I know- her due date hasn't even arrived yet. I can't help but wish the baby would come early. I know that he will only grow stronger in her womb, but we are soooooo excited. Every time my phone rings, my heart starts beating fast... and then I realize it's not "the call".

Anyway, I thought I'd give an update since I've had a few people call, email, etc. asking if there's any update. No...no update yet. Hopefully soon though!

"But these things I plan won't happen right away.Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3 (NLT)

Birth Plan

We just heard from our caseworker that Tiona has developed the birth plan with her pregnancy counselor from Bethany. When Tiona goes into labor, we will be informed. Tiona and her family would like to have the first 24 hours after the birth with the baby. Then, we will be able to finally meet him, and spend time with Tiona and her family as well. We plan to head up to Yakima once we get the call anyway, just in case Tiona decides that we are allowed to see her and Finn earlier than 24 hours.

After the first 48 hours has passed, our lawyer (hired through Bethany) will go to the court on the first working day to submit the documents (so if the 48 hours ends on a Sunday, the lawyer can't go to the court until Monday). Once the judge signs the documents that day, the lawyer will fax them back to hospital and we can leave the hospital with Finn! As many people are wondering- yes, Tiona can change her mind during those first 48 hours, and that's a fear in the back of our minds. We continue to have faith in God's plan....whatever that may entail. We feel so good about everything, but we need to remember that is always a possibility (as with any adoption).

As soon as we get the call that Tiona is in labor (any day....or maybe longer :) ), we will be sure to update the blog!

Thank you all again so much for your prayers, thoughts, and support. We honestly could not be getting through everything without each one of you! We are so blessed :)

Ultrasound Appointment

Justin and I just got home after a long day. We drove up to Yakima (a little over 3 hours), met Tiona, her sister and mom, and the pregnancy counselor from Bethany for lunch. We visited for a little bit, and then headed over to the ultrasound appointment. Wow! It was soooo amazing! We got to see little Finn's face (he has the cutest pouty lips just like Tiona!!!), and the technician pointed out his hands, feet, etc., and of course, we got to hear his heartbeat. He currently wieghs 6.8 pounds (give or take a little bit), and is very healthy. It was so surreal. We've been praying, preparing, and planning for this little baby that we had no tangible connection to. It was so great to actually see him moving in her belly- that's our baby boy!!! I know deep down she can change her mind for now, but so much of me feels that we will be bringing Finley home in the next few weeks.

Tiona also met with her doctor after the ultrasound. She is dilated 2 cm....that means the baby could possibly come very soon. Or, if she's like my sister, she could stay dilated at 2 cm for a couple of weeks!! We have our bags packed (okay, the items are laid out, but haven't been actually put INTO the bags yet!), our checklists ready, and can't wait to get the call and head back to Yakima!!

The pregnancy counselor was meeting with Tiona to go over a lot of the legal work, birth plan, and so on this afternoon. We hope to hear more details about how involved we will be at the birth. As much as I would love to be in the delivery room, I want to respect Tiona more. Whatever she wants from us, whether it be having us there or giving her space, we want to give to her. You will never know how truly awkward the situation is until you are in this position. It is constantly difficult to know what to say, do...not say, or not do... I want her to see we're excited, but I also want her to know that we will respect her decisions regardless of the outcome.

And so, we continue to pray, prepare, and plan...just waiting for our little guy to arrive. We are SO excited and truly feel that everything will continue on this path, but we know that God is in control and it is His plan that will unfold, not ours :)