How we decided on adoption...

Justin and I never imagined adoption would be the route we would use to grow our family. This past Fall, I went to the doctor for a regular appointment. I mentioned to her that we were thinking about trying to get pregnant in the Spring, and I wanted to be sure I was healthy and there would be no surprises (I knew some health issues from my past might be an obstacle in conceiving, but I wasn't sure). After reviewing medical history, running tests, various doctors appointments, etc., we were then told we have less than a 1 % chance of conceiving on our own, and our only option was to undergo intense fertility treatments that add up VERY quickly. We were faced with a decision- what next?

This was very hard for both of us to deal with. We couldn't afford to spend so much money on treatments that we weren't sure would work. We were lost. A couple of months later, I met a wonderful friend, Britney, on New Year's day of 2009, who opened our eyes to a whole new way of starting a family. We never really considered adoption, although it had been something in the back of our minds. Britney and her family helped us to understand what a blessing adoption can be and how absolutely amazing it is. Her family's adoption story is truly inspirational and encouraging- she has been an amazing blessing to Justin & I. After hearing all about adoption first hand, we decided to look into it a bit more.

We went to our first meeting with Bethany Christian Services (http://www.bethany.org/ ) mid- January and have been so excited ever since then! We realized that this was the best way to grow our family. Yes, it would be amazing to be pregnant and have a biological child, but we feel this is the path God is directing us down. While adoption with an agency is very costly, it is also something we know will have an amazing ending- a baby!!! We felt that with fertility treatments, there was the possibility of never conceiving and if we did, who knows if we would carry to full term. Choosing adoption assures us that the money and time we spend will be worth it. There may be ups and downs along the way, but in the end, we will be parents!!!

While we are using an adoption agency, we are still open to a private adoption. Please keep our family in mind and pass it on to anyone you feel appropriate. We are very open in how we will adopt and if you know of anyone who is thinking about adoption, we would love to be considered as adoptive parents. If you would like to view our family profile or share it with someone else (the same profile/book that the agency will show birthmothers) please let us know and we will get you access to view our book on picaboo.com. We ask that you show any potential birthmothers our profile book only, and not our blog (mostly for privacy reasons). This blog is intended to update family and close friends only.

Etiquette

People often ask what is the right way to encourage an infertile couple, correct way to address situations, etc. Because the adoption process is new to almost all of us, the "appropriate" thing to say can sometimes leave us all at a loss for words. Here's some helpful hints :)

What not to say to an infertile couple:

- Relax, go on vacation, it’ll happen. Not only is this statistically untrue, it makes the couple feel as if they’re doing something wrong. Besides, if this were true, we’d have 8 kids by now. Those who say this would never say to a cancer patient, “Relax, it’ll go away”.

- My friend tried… Success stories may seem encouraging, but it’s important to remember that no two situations are the same

- If you adopt, you’ll get pregnant. Statistics show that infertile couples who adopt are no more likely to get pregnant than infertile couples who do not. It also makes adoption sound like a lesser choice. Adoptive parents – or those wishing to adopt – know that it is NOT second best and can be a bigger blessing that having biological children.

- You can have one of my kids, please, please take one! Don’t test me – I might just take you up on that.

- You’re still young. Infertility does not get less severe with age, it gets worse. So yes, I’m young… and with each passing month, my chances of conceiving get less and less.

Encouraging words that DO help:

- It must be difficult to go through this; I'm here to listen if you need to talk.

- Can I get you some tissues?

- How are you?

- We are praying for you/can we pray for you?

The Adoption Process

We knew almost nothing about the adoption process when we got started, so I thought it would be nice to try to answer common questions you might have. Here is an explanation of the adoption process (as best as we know it!).

-Application Process: There are a few applications that we fill out before we begin our homestudy. This includes background information about us, references from our employers, friends, and our pastor.

-Homestudy Process: This involves a stack of paperwork ranging from information about our extended family, our home, self-evaluations, interviews with the adoption case worker and more! The caseworker will also visit our home before the adoption and after a baby has been placed in our home.

-Waiting List: Once we finish the applications and the homestudy, we will be placed on a waiting list. This can take anywhere from a few weeks to more than a year. The agency will match our profile with birthmothers/families. The birthmother/family will then view our family profile book, at which time she may want to meet us in person. The agency typically tries to avoid showing families to the birthmother any earlier than 3 months prior to her due date to avoid having the birthmother change her mind (decide to keep her baby). After an in person meeting, the birthmother/family can decide to select us, or continue her search. Very rarely, there will be no meeting at all. The agency does get calls from hospitals, from time to time, asking them to find a family for a baby at the last minute....in which case we could become parents in just a day(s) notice!

-Placement: We will hopefully be able to meet our new little one at the hospital and bring them home shortly after. We will then have meetings with the caseworker and possibly a face to face meeting with the birthmother/family in the months to follow. The openness of the adoption is mostly decided on what the birthmother wants.